From Shame to Shameless: A Queer Soul’s Journey Inside a Cathedral
The New York Story
A Walk in New York City and a Detour I Didn’t Expect
In October of 2015, I was attending and participating in a training course as a psychotherapist in clinical EFT with Dawson Church in New York City. It was a wonderful training program, but that’s not the purpose of my story for you today. The purpose of my story is to share with you an experience that I could not have constructed, planned, or decided what would happen—an experience of deep shamelessness.
It was one of the last days of the training program, and during the lunch break, I was walking along Madison Avenue in New York City. I walked past a big Roman Catholic cathedral called the Church of the Incarnation. It had scaffolding out in front because they were doing work on it, and there was a sign that said,
“Come in for a free tour.”
Stepping Inside a Place I Was Conditioned to Fear
I took in the cathedral, read that sign, and my body went, “Ugh!” I could feel the familiar feeling of constriction; visiting the cathedral was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, so I kept walking.
A few steps later, something shifted in my body—a settling in the soles of my feet—and I thought, “No, I’m going to go in.” I turned around, walked those few steps past the sign, and up the steps of the cathedral.
Opening the door, it was as all big Roman Catholic cathedrals are beautiful. Every time I step through the doors I am always struck by the artistry, the craftsmanship which creates a feeling of awe in me, that I am entering a different world.
It was a little bit after noonish, and the cathedral was almost empty—five or six people, maybe scattered throughout.
An Unexpected Encounter with Shamelessness
I began to walk down the center aisle of this huge cathedral. Not a single thought in my brain—no monkey mind. The way the light played through the stained glass windows made my shadow seem to stretch before me.
As I reached the end of the center aisle and stood before the altar, I could feel warmth in my belly rising up, filling my limbs, my bones, my heart, and my mind.
What I felt was this simple realization: I belong.
All of me belongs.
My sexuality belongs.
No asking, no seeking permission, no wondering, no arguments, no anger, no hurts, no rejection, no shame.
I can feel the power of this experience now in my body vibration, warmth, spacious ease, lightness, joy, gratitude, presence, hope and embodied pride. As I tell you this story; what is real is never lost and once we know, we cannot not know!
This is the process of Rainbow Release.
Your journey may be different than mine in its details, certainly, and you may be struggling to come to this place as I certainly did.
My mission is to empower queer humans to discover their shameless Queer Soul!
Our Queer Souls are unique to each person.
To assure you, I didn’t spend every day since this experience enlightened, completely free of internalized queer shame. No, shame is a trickster it will surprise you with life-sucking attacks of internalized queer shame.
Once we awaken to our Queer Soul – our original blessing – we cannot unknow it. Yes, we may forget, we may be distracted, but the truth remains. Our queer spirit is not broken. It was never destroyed—only buried alive beneath layers of shame and silence.
Shame resilience is not a one-time fix; it’s a sacred practice. It is the daily return to ourselves. It is fidelity to the truth of who we are. To reclaim your queer soul is to come home—again and again—to the self that was always worthy. What else is fidelity, if not the endless returning?
The Lie of Existential Homelessness
When I was studying for my master’s in theology, I remember reading a passage that said, the homosexual is always searching for a home they will never find.
That be queer is to be existentially homeless.
This type of indoctrination creates deep-seated internalized feelings of queer shame. That kind of indoctrination – insidious and cruel – plants the seed of existential homelessness in so many of us. It is a lie. And like all lies, it can be unlearned.
How Does Internalized Queer Shame Show Up for You?
How does your queer shame show up?
Many of us are conditioned to think, “What’s wrong with me?” when faced with internalized queer shame. We may respond by defending, denying, distracting, or dismissing our feelings. This is another trick of the mind—a way to reject our experience of shame.
Instead of confronting our shame, we often transform it into anger, bitterness, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or various forms of addiction. Whether it’s sugary treats, alcohol, drugs, compulsive working out, risky sexual behaviors, or conflicts with family, these are all ways we attempt to escape. Yet, in avoiding our shame, we end up reinforcing it and shaming ourselves further.
You Are Not Alone—You Are Not Broken
Any aspect of our experience that we reject as being unacceptable is a form of self-shaming. What our internalized queer shame truly needs—from ourselves and from others—is acceptance, loving presence, and compassion. It thrives on connection with others who share our journey, as well as guidance to learn new ways of relating to ourselves.
Reach out to me and connect if you are interested in living a Shameless Queer Life! It will be my honour to Guide you to the truth that is written in your Being!
Are you ready to begin your own journey from shame to shameless?
If my story resonated with you—if you’ve ever felt exiled from yourself, your community, or your body—know this: healing is possible. You don’t have to carry this alone.
Let’s walk this path together.
Book a free 15-minute consultation and discover what it means to live a shameless queer life.