All sorts of things might have brought you here…
“My life sucks!! Why can’t I get what I want and need?” It feels as though I’m constantly grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory! I plan it out in my head, and then the anxiety takes over – I freeze up. Whether it’s asking someone out, speaking up at work, or asserting myself with someone who disagrees with me… I freeze. I don’t know why and it’s maddening!
It’s as if some inner police person looms like a giant in my mind, shouting, “Stop! Who are you to speak, act, feel, or respond in service of yourself!”
I hate that voice in my head, and nothing I do silences it! I’ve read self-help books. I’ve even watched Oprah and read Psychology Today! No matter how many times I tell myself I’m going to “live my best life,” I keep living my same old life with that “policeman” saying, “See, I told you so!”
“Sometimes I can’t believe that I have hurt the ones I love so badly. Can I possibly recover from this?”
SHAME. Horrible debilitating shame. It’s like a life sentence.
I know in my head that it isn’t true, but it feels as though I can never be forgiven for the harms I’ve caused. I spend my life trying to make up for my mistakes, but it never seems to be enough.
Can I learn to accept my mistakes and stop feeling as though they define me?
Is there a way that I can make space for all that is good and right in me?
Why do my failures and imperfections feel like all that’s important in life?
“My addiction(s) keep winning and I keep losing. It scares me, but sometimes I want to give up.”
Porn, sex, romance, booze, bagels, chocolate, meth… maybe you feel as though everything BUT you is driving this clown car called life!
“Is it always going to be so bloody awful?”
This “no hope” feeling is like an anchor pulling me into a vortex of self-doubt and isolation!
How is it that I feel like the worst, most unacceptable being on the planet?!
I constantly compare myself to others and come up short – no, not just short, WOEFULLY short! How can I stop this inner critic from sabotaging pleasure, joy, and possibility in my life?
You are NOT your problems!
Hah! Easy for me to say, I know. So, okay, let’s make a deal:
I won’t tell you who you are, but together we will discover that you are NOT your problems.
The ways that you are coping now… through self-medicating; staying in toxic or abusive relationships; sabotaging real possibilities because you unconsciously believe you are unworthy; remaining trapped in cycles of anxiety, depression, compulsions, and addictions…
These are like the ‘deck chairs’ on the Titanic… although, right now, they may feel like the whole ship!
So, let’s go to that place where core beliefs and the feelings that validate them are stored… and let’s start being curious about whether they are true or not. Let’s make room for you to guide the ship – not with control, but with acceptance, confidence, self-assertion, and clarity!
We are going to reclaim your relationships…
Ok, send me the people in your life who bother you, trigger you, infuriate you, and compel you the most. I’ll work with them, and you’ll get better! Hmmm, well… that just isn’t going to work. I think we know that!
When you come to a deep, compassionate, understanding, and clear relationship with yourself, you really will be secure. Others may leave you, judge you, criticize you, reject you, manipulate you, try to seduce you, and on and on…
But you will never be alone because the behaviours of others will never hold authority over how you feel and treat yourself! Wow! That’s the sweet spot!
Now… let’s build that new relationship with yourself!
As you learn to accept, guide, and enjoy who you are, everything will change.
Notice we said “ACCEPT”…
We all long for acceptance, and the one who withholds it most tenaciously is us! Yup… back to your relationship with you!
I know, I’m a dog with a bone about that, but it is critical. You deserve to know this. Even more, you deserve to experience this!
Right now, look in a mirror and say, “I accept you exactly as you are this moment.”
If this feels 100% true, you don’t need my help. If it feels like a rock in your gut, or a vice grip on your head, or a tight breath in your chest…
Or if your inner critic shows up and begins the list of everything imperfect and wrong with you…
… then you’ve come to the right place.
No one can give us a message we will not believe, yet we chaotically run to people, places, and things seeking to be told what we simply will not believe.
Enough. It’s time to confront the inner disbeliever and the pain and shame in which it’s mired. It’s time to free space for you to give yourself what no one else can give you so that no one can ever take it away again!
Notice we said “GUIDE”…
You’ve probably tried controlling, numbing, medicating, running, denying, defending, distracting, dismissing, and bar fighting with yourself.
But guidance is often outside of the “control car” and who likes being controlled?
So many of us have been controlled by well-meaning others to shape us into “acceptable” beings so that we can belong (deep survival need!). So, we learned to control ourselves to win the belonging that we could not live without!
Yet, what we really need is loving guidance to be our authentic and unique self… and to grow into a secure identity that stands firm and connected to ourselves, others, and the world. Control comes from fear of not belonging, from not being accepted. Guidance comes from love and respect for our differences.
Notice we said “ENJOY”…
Imagine the freedom of never controlling your life energy again.
Imagine believing and behaving in ways that unapologetically assert your own goodness.
Don’t get me wrong; this is not the permissive impulsivity of a two-year-old, but rather the individuated secure adult who lives without intentionally harming themselves or others.
It’s one who, when he or she makes mistakes, rights them immediately and learns and grows from the experience without judgment, condemnation, or shame!
Let me give you an example…
Recently, I was working with a client. Let’s call him Ishmael (not his real name!).
Ishmael was struggling with chronic feelings of unworthiness. Despite being uber-successful in his career, being in a stable partnership, having a circle of friends, and raising a young family, Ishmael could not feel worthy, and no amount of achievement was enough.
I asked him to say out loud “I am unworthy” and describe how that felt. He described it as a “10 out of 10” unpleasant experience and identified how it felt in his body.
Working with this emotional state in a session and using two primary modalities [Integral Somatic Psychology (ISP) and clinical, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)] we worked through his bodily experience of this state of unworthiness – of his deeply held feelings of shame. During the session, I witnessed his release of emotion, bodily constriction, and unpleasant feelings.
But at the end of the session, to assess our progress, I asked him to say again the phrase “I am unworthy.” After a brief pause, he said, “It’s more like words now than feelings!”
This client no longer identified with the feeling of shame and the beliefs that supported it.
I tell you… witnessing someone’s release from shame is the greatest joy of my work!
Enough! You are ready.
Seeking healing for your relationship with yourself, others, and the world is a mark of bravery. Why is it brave, you ask?
It’s brave because staying in our familiar bed of caca is easy! Risking leaving the harbour of the past takes courage and steadfast loyalty to a future we do not yet experience. And that, my friend, is brave!
You deserve to live your best life!
Call now for your free 15-minute consultation and let the healing begin! (705) 795-0240